I'm A Selfish Hypocrite

I enjoy reading, hearing and watching things that teach me about how others live there life. It gives me a thrill to see how people live their lives, what they think about, what their beliefs in life are. I'm a peeping tom in this way. I guess this is why I enjoy things related to life simulation, and please, not in a dirty way. Haha.

I have certain philosophies, rules and mottoes about life. May other people do too-take for example a person whom I've been following. She's a mother of five children and believes in natural, home birthing. She also follows Buddhism and decides to live her life on the outskirts of town beside a beautiful stream. She home-schools her kids and pays the little bills by selling pots and other handicrafts. That is such a beautiful way to live life, the way you want; with family.

Now,  I imagined her as some great intellectual being who would sit around with her family everyday at tea time and discuss about the purpose of life, her kids always smiling in some mysterious way and always answering with "Yes, mother dearie." All the family always happy and gay, meditating and practising Zen in the middle of some forest with all the little animals looking at them in awe.  

Some of that might be true but I'm sure not in the over-exaggerated way I imagine in my head. Well, I do admit that I have an over-active and exaggerated imagination but that's another story.

Now I have plenty things I follow in life, but not always. I try to not hurt and mock people but, I sometimes do, unknowingly and seldom intentional when people annoy me. I try to be peaceful and trust in believe myself but, I sometimes lapse. I try to be positive and keep working but, I turn lazy, procrastinate and then chastise myself. I don't always share and care.

I try but sometimes fail, and then, I try again. I'm not perfect but, I try to be. 
But I take all this and try to strive. I'm improving.

Future Plans For This Blog

Where is this blog going?
I have been AWOL for two months. I've always expressed my intention for making the blog as purely for my benefit. Never have demanded or hoped any views (not that I have many) or money and nor will.
There is a continuous war going on in my head and I see no end to it any time near. It feels like there are two people living inside my head. Though the person I want to speak out more much chooses to ignore me. Gaah I am such a rebel. The shy part keeps chastising the out-spoken part in my head but, to no heed.

I am my worst enemy.

I WILL and SHOULD start posting my poems, paintings, thoughts, stories etc. on here. I need to. I will.
Eh, maybe later.

Why can't I stop procrastinating? All these exquisite thoughts flutter about occasionally in my head before settling right back in some beautiful world where they came from.
Most of my greatest ideas (like the book I'm working on), come into my head in my sleep. Fascinating, hmmm?

Stupid, stupid me. I need to start working again!! Urhhghghhhhhhh.