Whiplash

Whiplash must be the only movie that hit me right in the face like a shit load of bricks. Gut-wrenching and thoroughly distasteful, for me at least. I could never sit through the whole of it again. And it's nothing to do with the superior acting and screenplay.

Whiplash gave me strong, cringing flashbacks of the emotional abuse I was a victim of by my father. Every insult, every threat, and every distrustful reconciliatory apology. I could do nothing but stare at the screen with a gaping mouth as if in surprise that someone stole my diary and picked out instances to flow on the screen.

I was able to identify with every attack hurled and every response, overt or inert. Looking at it playing in front of me like that made it all seem too real and too near.
No one should have to go through that.

But the problem comes when you set about to explain to people just how the emotional abuse is being played. How can I deal with the passive dismissive reactions that try to downplay the effects of something that has me crippled day and night? Because the truth is, they're are not just words. 

The way Neiman consistently sought the approval of Fletcher hit close to home. I'm glad I was able to understand my father's behaviour early on. There are millions more who still justify it until much later on in their life. They blame themselves and litter their life with unnecessary guilt.

The ending of Whiplash just further condoned the abuse. Was getting fucked up in the head and ruining your life really worth finally perfecting the drum solo?
I guess it was for people who want to die the idealistic alcoholic death at 30 and have people debating about you at the dinner table.

Acceptance

This was an essay I wrote in answer to the question - What major issue do you notice in your community? 

I wrote it keeping in mind mostly the teenagers I meet or observe on a regular basis around me or online. I edited it here and there to make a bit more relevant to this blog which is why the ending looks a bit off, I might take care of that later. I hope you like it.

I believe acceptance can be applied to the root of almost every problem in our community, or the lack thereof. Whether it be with one’s own self or towards other, I think lack of acceptance in our society stems a lot of difficulties in the bigger picture.
Lack of acceptance within one’s own self gives rise to self-hatred and unnecessary self-pity. it is popularly known that both these vices not only cause a distorted view of our own self image but also of others. Those with hatred and feeling of helplessness inside themselves see it manifesting itself into everything they see around them.
we cannot struggle with reality. we have to learn to accept it. Acceptance does not mean that you are happy with the way things are, it means you are at peace with it and willing to change it for the better if you can. Self acceptance leads to a new life with new possibilities that did not exist before.
Social acceptance is accepting others as they are, including their varying personal beliefs, ethnic backgrounds, religions, and political standpoints. Problem with lack of social acceptance is that most people fail to recognize that not everyone will abide by them in their personal ideals.
When society lacks acceptance, it gives rise to wars, spats, discrimination, racism and other negative factors.
The only way to tackle this problem is by chanhing the people themselves. This can only be done with the help of education and byraising awareness.  Education eliminates ignorance, which helps us too see the world and everyone in it with different eyes and appreciate things we never did before.

Awareness, like education, will also make people distinguish between what is true and false. 

Vivid dreams

I have been having extremely strange and vivid dreams and it has only begun in the past few months. They are often repetitive. Often I have such intense dreams, it feels like I'm watching a movie and I can also remember them for a long time afterwards. The book I'm working on is a spin-off of an extremely imaginative and interesting dream I had. I even made a painting out of some kind of a design I saw in my dream once.
I also experience a surge of emotions in my dreams. I see new people and places everyday, and I literally mean everyday. In real life, I'm mostly dead, emotionless and sociopath-ish all day so it's a nice change.

A guy kept shouting "por favor" at me in my dream today.

Someone call Sigmund Freud.

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

I would like to start by saying that my post is not the least bit related to the title (maybe it is a little). I haven't even thought much about the that sentence. I don't even think I agree with it. I just thought it seemed pretty.

There is a couple. The boyfriend becomes jealous (obviously) when his girlfriend goes about flirting and kissing other guys. 
Only he has the right to do that with her. He is the only one who can touch her. He has claimed her as his.

Just the way,  there is another boyfriend who indulges in domestic violence. He hits his girlfriend when she forgets to order a double cheese pizza instead of single. But just the same, he cannot bear to see any other man even grip his girlfriend's arm a little tighter than usual so it hurts her in the least.
Only he has the right to hit her. He is the only one who can touch her. 

He doesn't think twice when that blow bruises or the words sting but when he sees some other person hurt her in any way he will automatically become defensive and protect her.

Isn't this funny?

Of course, this whole post is only a metaphor of my father.

Idolism and Idealism

I like to go around the classroom pestering people with questions about their religious, philosophical and spiritual (very different things, the three) beliefs. Most people are genially surprised. But not too surprised, I'm the sporadic, unexpected girl. People have stopped keeping any kind of expectations from me about tame, polite public behaviour. 

Anyhow, I get to hear very interesting answers (I lie, I hear them rarely). The other group who seem uninteresting to me are people who answer with, 'Gee, I dunno. I've never thought about it.' Ah, you expected me to answer by saying the ones who say they're religious, right? Haha, no. That's more interesting because that shows that person has put some thought, however little in my opinion. I try not to be judgemental. Love all.

I hear (like today) some say they believe in idols but not in religion; some say it the other way round. I hear many variations.

Also, just to add it so I don't forget because we're gonna need it in the conclusion, I usually hate all the hormonal teenage girls who run around crying about how much they love Justin Bieber or that new group One Direction. My mind fills with anguish for the young and astray pubescents. I have a lot of friend that fit like a snug sweater in the category. This is idealism.
 I used to be like that but I never exceeded the crazy limits. I still am some times when I think about Lana Del Rey, but meh. 
However, I would never go and make fun of them (that I NEVER do anyway because I was and am on the receiving end) or say they are stupid and dumb. I could in my mind, though.

So, where does the thin line end between idealism and idolism? 

Personally, I do not like any of the two. Idealism because (as mentioned before) there's too much I do not know about a person for me to follow everything they do. Too many secrets, too many lies. I do like to however, take all good qualities I see in a person and mould them into an ideal person of my choice. Let's name that person Daniel just for the heck of it. I'm feeling pretty silly and emotional today (It's the time of the month). 
Idolism is just a no-no for me. Don't the religions preach to not be materialistic? How can you regard some piece of metal, stone or wood as holy and attach all your feelings to it? Why don't you go nature outside and worship it instead of cutting it up into senseless shapes (reminds me of a new topic, CENSORSHIP!) and decorating your homes with it? Why are you loving (I've used so many brackets in this post. So I'm just posting another. Hehe) something lifeless?

Give love to someone who deserves it.

Observe

Take a look around and observe your surroundings. Where are you right now? Are you sitting inside of a dark room? Is there anyone else with you? Are you all alone? Most sources indicate that a majority people read tales of horror by themselves. Something about this genre and medium compel you to experience it in a quiet room, all alone. But why is this? Why subject yourself to fright in solitude? What compels you to purposely scare yourself, to fill your mind with visions of the grotesque and supernatural?

Do you enjoy feeling a sense of, what some deem as, “paranoia”? What thrill can come from becoming suspicious of that shadow moving in the corner of your eye? That shadow that you think “isn’t anything”. Listen closely; is there a noise you hear that was or wasn’t there all along? Take a look around. Is there anything you didn’t notice originally? Is there something different? Is something out of place? That feeling on the back of your neck: is it your imagination or is it just too faint to pin-point?

When you read you expand the limitations of your mind. Clear of auditory and visual distractions, it can push your consciousness to perceive at levels you do not normally reach. The longer you read, the more you become aware. Maybe of things you thought weren’t there. There is a reason why your brain would block out these sensations. No one can be sure why. Maybe your mind is warning you. Maybe there are things you weren’t meant to see. Things you didn’t realize were there. Things that cannot be unseen. Things you cannot forget. Things that shouldn’t be.

Take a look around.